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Jon Laing

New York - Brooklyn, NY


The horrible beast of legend, Jon Laing has terrorized the countrysides of Europe, Asia, and parts of Detroit for centuries. A grotesque fiend with battle axes for feet and daggers for eye-balls, he is perhaps best known his hauntingly graceful choreography. Many may remember him from the epic of Will Smith in which Laing was described as a man "who [was] up to no good" and "starting making trouble in [his] neighborhood". After winning a game of Russian roulette with Ernest Hemmingway, Laing attempted to break into the arts. He played a formative role in the hit TV show "Diff'rent Strokes" and even voiced the CGI character, Arnold in the series' pilot episode. After being replaced by Randy Savage, Laing attempted to become a famous abstract expressionist painter. Laing put his best foot forward as a "self taught" artist. He was quickly met with rejection and scorn. Upon adoptiong the psuedonym, "Cy Twombly", however, Laing began to see palpable success, and was even able to waste copious amounts of space at the PMA. Regarding this turn of events, he was quoted saying, "I'm starting to think this whole art thing is a load of bull mess." After years of frustration, Laing chose to attend the University of the Arts in Philadelphia where his suspicions were confirmed. In 2011, after kicking his self-esteem addiction, Laing was released from the University on Parole Cum Laude. He lives in relative obscurity, making horse sculptures out of strands of eyebrow hairs and cannoli filling.


Nothing, really, but the voices in my head always have great ideas, but I chopped off their hands, so I just kind of steal their ideas. They've been plotting an escape, but I'm pretty sure I have them locked up in there pretty well.


The acronym makes me think of a killer sirloin.


Giant Hamster God (pbuh) running on his cosmic wheel.