Doctor

He was born on the banks of The Yangtze river swathed in a blanket of mystery and raised by a troupe of hairless Mexican Circus Gypsies known as the \"Hampsters Furieux\" working in the Merch counter of the Freakshow as a Pygmy Frenchman all the while moonlighting as an Israeli combat consultant with a penchant for Interior Design and an unquenchable appetite for fine Scotch and research in Male pattern baldness. After overcoming his evil Guru Aksakov at the ancient psychokinesis technique of Uhej baisan al he founded the school of Shaolin while finishing up his U.S. Air Force-sponsored research report Teleportation Physics Study under the alias of the physicist-author Eric Davis, PhD. During a particularly violent bout with his time temporal paradoxing nemesis/lover Meg whitman he stumbled upon the Tolman-Oppenheimer-Volkoff limit in which he fell into a black hole simultaneously reemerging speaking Sanskrit wearing Rasputin\'s ring claiming to be a Roosevelt. He\'s died six times spawned the Titans, Chuck Norris, Godzilla and will be reborn as someone you love.